Still Here
by masqueradingHEART
Summary: “Well, well, well, what do we have here? A blood traitor, a half-blood, and a coward. Oh, and I mustn't forget your weak Black friend back there.” ... As if on cue, a bright green light shone through the sky. James cried out. The rain poured down.
1. prologue

**Disclaimer!** Hi, I'm not JK Rowling. Surprised? Yeah, I didn't think so.

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"Pad? Padfoot? Sirius! No, no, no. Come on, wake up. Talk to me! Merlin. Wake up, please wake up. Open your goddamn eyes, Black!"

It was a miserable night to be out. Thunder rolled loudly and violently in the distance. Rain threatened to pour any second. The sky was dark, pitch black dark. It was nearly impossible to see one's hand right in front of their face. The moon was covered by dark, stormy clouds. There were no stars. But, despite how dark it was, there was no denying the sight that lied before the eyes of three friends. Despite how dark it was, it was impossible not to see the horrific scene that tempted tears to fall from six heartbroken eyes.

"James"—

A hand grasped the shoulder of seventeen year old James Potter, shaking it when there was no reaction.

"Sirius… Sirius…"

Remus attempted to pull his friend up off the ground, where he was kneeling inches away from his best mate's motionless body. But there was no getting him up. James was rooted to the ground. Nothing was going to tear him away.

"We have to leave him, James."

"No!"

"We have to go."

"No! I'm not going to leave him here."

James turned towards his friend violently, the glare in his eyes deadly. There was a look of incredulity on the face, though it was hard for Remus to see it. How dare he want to leave his friend alone to face this darkness? How dare he want to leave his friend to face certain death? How dare he leave his friend? Remus, sensing this disbelief, frowned deeply. Sirius was a brother to James. Hell, he was like a brother to Remus. He hated to have to leave him. But it was the only way.

"We have to."

"I can't! Come on, Pad. Wake up, mate. Just wake up already."

Cursing the world mentally, Remus gave his friend's arm one more tug and managed to successfully get James to his feet. Without a word, the three of them departed, leaving Sirius behind on the ground unconscious. They ran for a short while, Remus still grasping James' arm, more out of reassurance for himself than to keep his mate from running back to Sirius' body.

"They won't kill him," Remus whispered. He needed to speak the words, not only to comfort James but also to comfort himself. He needed to know that he'd done the right thing in leaving his friend behind. "They'll keep him for questioning. They'll wait for him to wake up and then they'll question him." James and Peter remained quiet. "We'll get back to base and then we'll get reinforcements. We'll be able to make it back to him in time. They won't kill him."

"I left him," James mumbled under his breath, still running alongside his friends. "I can't believe I just got up and left him like that. He wouldn't have left me. He would've stayed with me. He wouldn't have left. I left him. I just left him."

Remus stole a quick glance at his darkened friend without faltering in his path. "He'll be okay, James. He'll be okay. We just need to get back" – His sentence was cut off as the three skidded to a halt. In front of them, out of the dark shadows, a dozen figures were beginning to take shape. "Shit," Remus muttered. The thunder roared loudly.

Death Eaters.

Craning his neck quickly, Remus looked behind them to see even more behind and to both sides of them. They were surrounded.

Raising their wands simultaneously, the three positioned themselves in a defensive stance. They were preparing themselves for a battle they would never in a million years win. It was three against at least twenty-five. There was no escaping this one. It would be a miracle if they even survived. The way these men's wands worked, they'd be dead in seconds.

Out of the shadows, a cloaked man approached them. Remus and James held their chins up high; tears staining the latter's cheeks – tears he never even realized. Peter shook violently, too frightened to even hold his wand up straight. The man flicked his wand once and all three of the others' flew into the outstretched hands of a few of his comrades behind him. Walking closer to the three friends, two of which who were ready to begin physical attack at any given moment while the other cowered behind them, the man chuckled lightly.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Standing inches away from James, he reached up and took the boy's chin in his hand. "A blood traitor," he dropped James' chin, moving onto Remus, "a half-blood," he stole a glance towards the crouched Peter, "and a coward." His lips curled up into a smirk. "Oh, and I mustn't forget your weak Black friend back there. Kids." Shaking his head he clasped his hand on James' shoulder. "What an army we've been sent to fight, eh boys?" He laughed back to his men behind him before turning back to the trio, dropping his hand off James' shoulder. "Well you lasted longer than some."

With another flick of his wand, ropes shot out and tied the boys' wrists together and forced them to their knees. With no warning, they couldn't suppress their reactions: James grunted, Peter shrieked, and Remus groaned shortly. A clash of thunder shook the ground.

The Death Eater circled them.

He stopped in front of Remus, bent down in front of him, and pressed his wand into the boy's neck. "Who sent you?" Remus jutted his chin out and remained silent, as if daring the enemy to kill him over such trivial information.

"Hmph," the man sounded as he rose to his feet. "Well, I suppose you're lucky I already know the answer to that question." He shook his head. "Even still… Crucio!" He smirked down as the seventeen year old squirmed in pain, falling from his knees all the way down, screaming out in agony. Even after all the pain he had ever encountered, the fiery, white hot pain that spread its way through every centimeter of his body seemed to be the worst. After all his transformations from boy into wolf, after every single one of them, nothing amounted up to this pain.

Lifting the curse after a moment, the Death Eater moved on to Peter. "How did you hear of our plans?" James glanced back and, with his eyes, demanded Peter not to speak. Any word of their sources could ruin them. One of the other cloaked men noticed this exchange, however, and grabbed a handful of James' hair, forcing his head to turn back to face in front of him. "Well?" The main follower persisted, tilting his head to one side and digging his wand into Peter's chest. "How did you know where we would be tonight?"

Peter opened his mouth and closed it quickly before re-opening it. James and Remus, as if sensing their friend was going to tell, closed their eyes. "D-Dumbled-dore," he stuttered out.

The man nodded. "Ah, of course. Good old Dumbledore, I suppose. Always on top of things." Removing his wand from its position at Peter's chest, he moved on to James. Bending down in front of him, he tilted his head again, grinning at the tear-stained face of the teenage boy. "Well, well, Potter. How's your father – well, I hope?" He smirked as James' face tightened and his breath quickened. "So," he brought a hand to his own chin, stroking it slightly. "Where is your current headquarters?"

James lifted his chin. "What did you do with Sirius?" He responded with.

The Death Eater grinned brightly and stood before pulling James up by the arm with one hand. Turning the boy around, to face the direction in which the three friends had recently come from. As if on cue, a bright green light shone through the sky. James cried out.

The rain poured down.

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Okay, so this is going to be updated hopefully as soon as before May comes along. But I'm a slow updater most of the time. You know, if I don't get reviews. So, type away my lovely readers.


	2. i'm fine, you worry too much

**disclaimer!** you notice how this chapter sucks? yeah, that's because i'm not nearly as talented as jk rowling. so clearly, i'm not her.

**author's note!** weee! i updated! aren't you proud of me? well, it's kind of slow, kind of sucky, and kind of short. so i apologize for your wait since this definitely isn't much at all. but i shall be updating faster now since i've kind of got my muse a little back now.

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When schoolwork was concerned, most teenagers try their best to put it off as long as possible

When schoolwork was concerned, most teenagers try their best to put it off as long as possible. Procrastination is a characteristic found in most children. The things that they don't want to do are pushed aside for a period of time until they are so pressured to get it done that they can't put it off any longer. Then, they are forced to sit and stress out as they do their work as best as they can in the small amount of time that they have remaining to get it done.

That was the way that three teenage boys were feeling as they huddled together in a small group, their fourth a ways off, completely relaxed as he stuck his nose into a novel he was currently enjoying for his own free time. As the other three frantically flipped through pages in their textbook and scribbled urgently on their parchment, their light-haired, more responsible friend looked up every now and then, laughing at the stress they brought on themselves.

"I just don't understand why you won't just give us the answers, Moony," the messy dark-haired, bespectacled boy complained without looking up. "It would just make everything so much easier on all of us."

The other boy rolled his eyes. "Well, _I_ just don't understand why you won't just do your homework before the night before it's due, James," he retaliated with, not looking up from his book as well.

James groaned in aggravation as he scratched out a word he misspelled. His parchment was littered with blacked out splotches. He wasn't the best when it came to spelling and grammar. "Can't I just take a little peek at it, Remus?" He asked, giving his friend the best puppy dog eyes he could conjure as the other boy looked up. "Just one, teeny tiny look?" He batted his eyelashes for extra effect.

Remus closed his book, keeping his thumb marking the page he was on, and stared down his messy haired friend. "No," he replied shortly.

"Gah!" James threw his arms up into the air, almost knocking over the bottle of ink on the table. "You're heartless!"

"You're mindless!" Remus shot back before shaking his head and waving his friend off, returning to his book.

Glaring at the other boy, James turned back to his assignment. The other two boys didn't say a word; one watched in delight while the other continued scribbling away on his own parchment. After a good ten minutes, the latter of the other two boys packed his stuff up and stood up.

"You finished already, Pad?" James asked in awe. Usually Sirius was one of the last to finish, seeing as he was probably the biggest procrastinator of the four of them. Granted, he could get his work done quickly as he has always been an intelligent boy, but he's easily distracted which keeps him from concentrating long enough to continue on in his work.

Nodding shortly, the black-haired, tall boy muttered out a "Yeah" before tossing his finished essay at his best friend and headed towards the stairs. "I'm going to bed," he announced in a rather oddly unenthusiastic tone of voice.

Narrowing his eyebrows, James followed Sirius with his eyes as the other boy headed up the staircase towards their dorm. As he disappeared out of his sight, James turned back to the other two and pointed a finger over his shoulder. "There's something wrong with him," he announced matter-of-factly before picking up the essay Sirius dropped on the table in front of him.

Remus snorted from his position in the chair closest to the fire. Seeing as it was late, most of the Gryffindor house was already comfortably sleeping in their beds and there was easy access to the few pieces of fireside furnishing. Not that the four friends often found trouble in gaining access to the couch and armchairs. Being the infamous "Marauders" (a self-dubbed nickname that James and Sirius came up with), the majority of the house was ready to give up their seats. Notorious for their pranks, no one wanted to get on their bad side.

"You're really just noticing that?" Remus asked, setting his book down on his lap, this time marking his place with his bookmark instead of his thumb.

James rolled his eyes. "Well, I mean, I've always known that something's wrong with him; I'm not daft. But I mean he's been acting weirder than usual."

Remus sighed deeply and shook his head. "That's what I meant," he said, rolling his own eyes. Pointing out that something was wrong inside Sirius Black's head was like pointing out that the sky was blue. It was something just a given, something you didn't mention. So when he was actually acting slightly _normal_, that was when you needed to worry. Like when the sky turns dark in the middle of the day; you've got to get ready for a storm. "He's been acting like this for a few days now."

James didn't say anything for a moment. He hadn't exactly been paying too much attention to his friend's behavior. He was always bad at noticing things going on in anyone's but his own life. He was too absorbed in his own personal life. It was probably one of his biggest flaws. "And how did I not notice that?"

"Because you're completely oblivious to the world around you," his friend answered him shortly. "Well, and Lily," he added with a smirk as an afterthought. Lily Evans was the love of James Potter's life. Of course, she had no feelings for him whatsoever, but that didn't stop him from obsessing over her. He could practically tell you her every move from seven a.m. to ten p.m. when she headed off to bed, and that was just on the weekdays.

James made a face at his friend and chucked a sofa cushion at him. "Ha ha."

He gripped the glass tightly in his hand, not wincing in the slightest as the edge broke skin. It was therapeutic for him; the only thing that could relax him. He ignored the trickle of blood that slid down his wrist a moment later. It was dark and he couldn't even see his other hand as he held it up in front of his face. His right one rested by his side, fist clenched, fingers tightened around the shard. He didn't care if some of the blood would get on his sheets; he could clean it in a second whenever he needed to.

He'd forgotten how relaxing pain could be. It had been so long since he had felt anything.

The door opened and he heard footsteps trying to make their way in the dark. "Pad?" He recognized Remus' voice whisper, to see if he was awake. Sirius grunted in reply, to allow his friend to turn the light on and get ready for bed with the ability to see. He closed his eyes at the room was suddenly delved into light. He listened to the sounds of Remus rustling to get changed into his pajamas and finally sank into his bed, muttering a spell to turn the lights back off.

It was silent for a few moments and Sirius concentrated on the pain in his hand. It wasn't like him to do things like this, but times came when he just couldn't help it any more. Ever since he ran away from home, he'd been able to live his life without any pain. But he never really thought he would miss it. He felt stupid and weak that he needed to use a broken piece of glass to cut his hand open to make himself feel better. But his family always caused him pain, why should they stop even when he didn't live there any longer?

"Hey, Pad?" He heard Remus' voice call out a second time. Sirius was tempted to ignore him, to pretend he was asleep, but he'd never been good at faking sleep. In fact, he'd never been good at faking anything when it came to Remus. The boy could see right through him and it drove him insane. Sirius Black could fool anyone in any situation – except Remus.

"Yeah?" He answered tiredly, releasing his tight grip on the glass. He really wasn't in the mood to talk. It was hard for him to hide anything from his friend. With James it was easy; all he had to do was direct his attention towards Evans or Quidditch or Snivellus. With Peter it was even easier; he never even suspected anything was wrong. But with Remus, it was basically impossible; he was too perceptive, not only in school, but in every aspect of life basically.

He heard the sheets rustle on his friend's bed as Remus sat up. The other boy seemed to be hesitating to talk to him. It wasn't easy to talk to Sirius, Remus knew that. It was like trying to calm a wild animal – a werewolf, to be ironic. He opened his mouth to say something, took a breath, and then closed it. Opening it for a second time, he bit his lip before starting. "Are you alright?" He asked hesitantly. "You've been a little off these past few days and I'm, we're starting to get worried."

Sirius laughed, making light of the situation. "I'm fine, Moony," he answered. "Really." He fingered the glass in his hand, accidentally pricking his finger in the meantime. "You worry too much."

"You haven't been acting like yourself," Remus muttered. He sighed, hesitated again, and then slid out of his bed and cautiously made his way over to Sirius. It was risky, to go closer to him when he was being confronted about his life. He got testy, violent, rash. Remus sat down next to Sirius, who was still lying on his back, now hiding the glass in another tight grip of his hand. He didn't turn his head to look at his friend. "You've been… distant and I know that something's going on with you. James and Pete, they haven't really realized it until just recently, but I've known something's been going on with you. What is it?"

Sirius let a smirk slide onto his face and tilted his head to look at Remus, using his right hand, the one that wasn't holding the shard of glass, to prop his head up. "Nothing's wrong, Remus. I'm serious," he lied. "You clearly need to learn to relax a little bit."

Remus shook his head in disappointment, but he stood up, his back to his friend. "You know, Sirius," he started, he turned around as if on a second thought. "You clearly need to learn to trust a little bit." With that, he turned on his bare heel and headed back to his bed, leaving his friend shocked in the dark.

It was silent until James and Peter finally stumbled sleepily into the dorm, both getting dressed and collapsing into bed in the dark. Usually James wouldn't care about turning the light on and waking his friends, but clearly he was too tired to even deal with doing so. Before he knew it, Sirius was engulfed into the sounds of his friends' snoring and stirring in their sleep.

Remus' words had hit him like a sucker punch to the gut. It wasn't the good kind of pain, the kind that he had apparently been missing since he left home. Trust was a serious and difficult issue with Sirius. His whole life he'd been taught not to trust and not to be trusted. And so, when he came to Hogwarts and was sorted into Gryffindor and his whole life changed, he kept that with him. It had taken years for James, Remus, and Peter to get Sirius to fully trust them. For them to trust Sirius it was much easier. But Sirius trusted his friends now, he was sure of it. He could talk to them about anything and everything, Remus knew that. It was just that he didn't have to. He didn't want to talk to them about some things. There were certain topics that Sirius wanted to keep to himself, to not burden his friends with.

And so he was angry that Remus would even dare to think that Sirius didn't trust them. He was protecting them. There were things that they didn't have to know, that they shouldn't know. Sirius' life was so screwed up. He didn't want to push that on his friends. It wasn't their burden to bear.

He trusted them.

**author's note!** soo still here is back and running. what did you think of it? leave me a review and let me know! i'll hopefully have another update to this and one for merry-go-round by tomorrow or saturday. (: REVIEW!! i love you guys.


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